Wild Thing

Remember the time that cow attacked this man right in front of me? I am pretty sure he was gunning for me. Good times.

Since I battled it out with nature this weekend, I figured I would keep on this nature theme for a bit and share with you how nature became my enemy.

My nemesis and I developed a hatred for each other at an early age. I remember swimming in a lake when I was a wee bitty child. The memory is fuzzy, but I remember the trauma of the water trying to swallow me up and gulping copious amounts of dirty, gross, lake water. And so it began.

Then there was the snake that wound up in my room when I was about 8 years old. We lived on a large piece of land where there were lots of hills, and the summer temps were pretty darn hot. And Mr. Snake decided to take refuge in my room. I hate snakes.

Every single time I would go outside (practically), I would get bitten by something and then I would swell up with a massive hive at the bite area that itched and made me miserable.

And remember the time I went hiking and almost died when a rock started crumbling when I was walking across a waterfall?

At summer camp, I can’t even begin to tell you how many mishaps and injuries I incurred from some sort of activity or another while playing capture the flag in the woods in the middle of the night.

There was a summer that my parents thought it would be cool to “take up camping.” I thought it was cool too, until we went, and I got food poisoning…in the middle of the night. With the bathroom about a mile trek across the campground.

And then the rattlesnake that tried to bite me during a photo shoot. And the second snake a week later, that decided to slither toward me during another photo shoot…

When we went camping on an all-church retreat years and years ago, I made us rent a hotel. Then the year I was pregnant and there was NO WAY I was going to camp. We stayed at a cabin.

A bird pooped on me a few weeks ago. And I learned that I was allergic to the sun.

So, basically, all my life, I’ve been attacked by nature, unprovoked every time.

I started to avoid nature. I mean, who really wants to be a punching bag all the time??

So, people were in disbelief when I said I wanted to move closer to the beach and take up hiking. But now, I am learning to get along a little with nature. I love hiking, and camping was fun (though dirty).

Wonder of all wonders, nature and I are reconciling (as long as I am armed with bug spray and sun block). So, this kind of gives me a little hope for my dating life as well.  I may hate it and avoid it now, but maybe one day, dating and I will find a common ground.It only took 35 years for this truce…

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