“Girls say they want a nice guy, but what they really want is an a*hole,” whined a friend of mine, who not so ironically, is a single nice guy.

I don’t think the axiom “Nice guys finish last” is necessarily true, though. A girl is not opposed to “the nice guy.” In fact, we do want a nice guy, one that is polite to the waitress, lets an old lady have his seat on the bus, and thinks about others.

The problem I’ve found with the “nice guy” is that most of the time, they are  *just* nice, and they think that being nice is all there is to it when being “nice” is only a part of a complete package us ladies are searching for. We absolutely want a guy that is a “nice” person.

Speaking for myself, I am a strong, opinionated, independent woman. And a lot of the “nice guys” I have come in contact with are not very assertive, and lack confidence, they let me steamroll over them and provide very little mental challenge for me. The “nice guy” is BORING. He agrees with everything I say. He doesn’t have or doesn’t share his own opinions in an effort to connect with me and is never confrontational.

I am reminded of the movie, “Coming to America.” In one of the first scenes, the prince meets his betrothed, and he asks her what she likes, and over and over her answer is, “Whatever you like.” So, he messes with her and makes her bark like a dog, and hops on one leg. Which she does so happily.

I want a guy who is not only “nice” but also has an opinion, is willing to stand up to me, debate with me, has principles, and respects not only me but himself. The “nice guy” that is too eager, always calling, trying to please me all the time, tries way too hard, and reeks of desperation. They come off as needy and insecure, and that definitely is a turn-off.

So “nice guys,” don’t be discouraged. Being nice is an awesome quality. Just don’t make it your ONLY selling feature.