Call it pride, call it stupidity, but I didn’t ask for child support from my ex. Why?
There isn’t really an answer beyond, I just didn’t want anything from him. I knew that the only reason why I would ask him for support was to make him suffer, and while that seemed like a really good idea at the time (and sometimes now), I knew intrinsically that making him suffer would lead to me not forgiving and moving on. So, maybe it was stupidity. Plus, I would have rather been on food assistance than take anything from him. So, maybe it was pride? But a big reason was that it made the divorce paperwork a lot easier to complete and file, which meant I would be free from him much sooner.
Funny enough, without him, I ended up having more money and ended up paying off almost all of my half of our debt about a year after I left.
Now, I’m not saying that this is what every or any woman should do. This is just something that I felt was the easiest and fastest way to sever ties with him. I already had a solid job, and I was able to find a roommate to share the rent and expenses with. Because my ex and I also shared custody of our daughter, I asked him to split the cost of her school books, dental bills, etc. But beyond that, I learned to survive on my paycheck.
Admittedly, some days were difficult. Some days, it would’ve been so much easier to have an extra check coming in. Some days, I looked into the eyes of another incredulous friend who was shocked that I didn’t ask for child support. Some days, I had to explain to my mom (again) why I wasn’t sticking it to him. Some days, like when he bought himself and his girlfriend (the other woman) brand new luxury cars, I rethought my position.
But what trumped all of those ‘some days’ was EVERY SINGLE DAY when I knew that I could make it on my own. And I did.