Why I Decided To Not Take Child Support From My Ex Husband

Call it pride, call it stupidity, but I didn’t ask for child support from my ex. Why?

There isn’t really an answer beyond, I just didn’t want anything from him. I knew that the only reason why I would ask him for support was to make him suffer, and while that seemed like a really good idea at the time (and sometimes now), I knew intrinsically that making him suffer would lead to me not forgiving and moving on. So, maybe it was stupidity. Plus, I would have rather been on food assistance than take anything from him. So, maybe it was pride? But a big reason was that it made the divorce paperwork a lot easier to complete and file, which meant I would be free from him much sooner.

Funny enough, without him, I ended up having more money and ended up paying off almost all of my half of our debt about a year after I left.



Now, I’m not saying that this is what every or any woman should do. This is just something that I felt was the easiest and fastest way to sever ties with him. I already had a solid job, and I was able to find a roommate to share the rent and expenses with. Because my ex and I also shared custody of our daughter, I asked him to split the cost of her school books, dental bills, etc. But beyond that, I learned to survive on my paycheck.

Admittedly, some days were difficult. Some days, it would’ve been so much easier to have an extra check coming in. Some days, I looked into the eyes of another incredulous friend who was shocked that I didn’t ask for child support. Some days, I had to explain to my mom (again) why I wasn’t sticking it to him. Some days, like when he bought himself and his girlfriend (the other woman) brand new luxury cars, I rethought my position.

But what trumped all of those ‘some days’ was EVERY SINGLE DAY when I knew that I could make it on my own. And I did.

5 thoughts on “Why I Decided To Not Take Child Support From My Ex Husband

  1. I understand. There’s a few people out there that have really run afoul of me and my family, and there’s one in particular that I could have hurt back twice as badly, but I didn’t. The reason is because deep down inside, and despite all of the pain they had caused me, I knew that I still loved them. I didn’t want to hurt them like that, nor did I want to be tied up in what was likely to be way too much paperwork.. I just wanted them to be gone.

  2. Beautifully written! And I agree that it is not a course for every woman who’s gone through (or currently filing for) divorce. But I love that your decision has allowed you the freedom from the terribly broken relationship, and the freedom to forgive. You and your daughter have been through so much, in the last few years especially, and it is so great to witness the process of confidence and healing being built up in your life.

    1. Haha. Thanks, Jessica. Life is a funny thing and as I get older and wiser more mature, having an understanding of the struggles and the experiences make me grateful for what I’ve learned – even if it wasn’t pleasant during the lesson. 🙂

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