Sexy.

It’s not a one size fits all word. What is sexy for one person, could be something that is off-putting to another person. Although what is sexy can be answered differently by every person, there’s a general consensus on certain traits that  people deem “sexy.” (At least in my super scientific Facebook and Twitter poll).

The number one thing that both men and women find sexy in the opposite sex is……

1. CONFIDENCE: Confidence is Sexy. Confidence is someone who is comfortable in their own skin, knows what they want and are happy with it, is real and does not need constant reassurance. For a woman, almost NOTHING is worse than an insecure man. Women want men to BE MEN. As much as women want to be seen and treated like equals and all that woman’s lib stuff, we don’t really want to wear the pants in a relationship (Ok, well, at least I don’t). Recently, I was chatting with a guy. We had exchanged texts and emails and it became apparent very quickly that life had beaten him down and instead of getting up to fight, he was just gonna lay there and take it. I felt like I was talking to Eeyore. He reeked of insecurity and after a very short time, I had to stop talking to him or I would’ve “unleashed the bitch” on him and probably damaged his psyche even further.

Side Note: Gentlemen, Cockiness is NOT sexy. It’s annoying and makes me want to punch you. 

On the flip side: Ladies, men also do not want to constantly telling you that you don’t look fat in that dress. You’re beautiful and you don’t need anyone’s approval. Embrace what makes you different and tell that stupid voice in your head to STFU every time it tells you that you aren’t good enough, smart enough or sexy enough. Stop comparing yourself to the photoshopped size negative 2 Victoria Secret model. She is NOT REAL! if there is something you don’t like about yourself, CHANGE IT.

It’s not easy. I know. I still look at myself every single day in the mirror and wish I had better skin, that I had flatter abs, that the little bits of cellulite would just disappear for good or that I didn’t have years of baggage that I’m carrying around and trying to unload. And then I take a deep breath, say to myself, “F*** it. I’m awesome and if people can’t see that, then that’s their problem,” I stand tall, put a smile on my face and CHOOSE to be awesome. Some days it’s much tougher to do than others, but on those days, I call my bestie, eat some chocolate, go to the gym or buy new shoes…works every time.

2. INTELLIGENCE: Maybe it’s because I am a nerd, but a man who is well-read is sexy. Let’s be real, I’m not saying that everyone I date has to be a candidate of Mensa, but a man that can eloquently relay his thoughts to me can woo me pretty quickly. I want to be able to carry on a conversation and use big words with a man without being afraid that I am speaking way over his head.

And, honestly, I understand that some people are not born as bright as others, but I really respect someone who works on their deficiencies and weaknesses, be it knowledge or whatever. I have a really good friend that comes to me for grammar advice (and subsequently I go to him for math help). When we first started texting, I told him that he was using Your/You’re incorrectly (PET PEEVE! See post below) and instead of getting all pissy about it, he worked on using it correctly, asking me for help and clarification when he was uncertain. Now, he sometimes has to correct me for making that evil error. He is always adding to his knowledge by reading and bettering himself…and that is a super attractive quality.

On the flip side: Ladies, don’t play stupid to get a guy. If a man cannot appreciate your intelligence, move on. Being an airhead-y bimbo is only attractive to men who want trophy wives. And you’re better than that.

3. SENSE OF HUMOR: A man that can laugh at themselves and/or can make me laugh wins points in my book. I don’t know if a sense of humor itself that is sexy. I think, for me, a man with a sense of humor puts me at ease and makes me want to get to know him more. People with a sense of humor usually are fun and fun to be around.

On the flip side: Ladies, you don’t have to be able to tell a variety of knock-knock jokes, but if you can make a man laugh or you can laugh at yourself, you can wrap him around your little finger. Truth.

So, if you’d notice, none of these traits are physical traits. Again, sexiness is different for everybody. Physically, I think that a strong jawline, a little scruff and broad shoulders are sexy. Other responses I received were height, ass, abs, nice teeth, dressed nicely, mysterious eyes, good posture, and singing ability.

But really, sexiness is not a uniform. Sexiness looks different for everybody and on everybody. True sexiness is who you are, not what others say is sexy. No one can truly dictate what sexy is. So, define your own sexy…and OWN IT.

I took this photo recently, and I think it exudes sexiness…