I have terrible hand-eye coordination and no rhythm. So, in my freshman year of high school, I thought it would be a terrific idea to join the Colorguard team. If you weren’t as cool as I was in high school, you might not know what the “Colorguard” is. Let me enlighten you.

The Colorguard are the girls (sometimes guys) who march with the marching band during half time shows, twirling flags, performing routines and wearing gold sequins on royal blue lamé.

Super cool, huh?

The fact that I made the team, with the inability to twirl, whirl or keep a beat, tells you more about their desperation than my aptitude.

We performed at halftime shows for all of our home football games and spent Saturdays at competitions against other schools’ marching bands and colorguard teams. We practiced every afternoon learning formations and routines.

One of the most difficult things I had to learn was this toss that you do where you wrap your flag behind your back, around your body and then spiral it above your head.  And then, if doing all that wasn’t enough, you had to catch it. I almost broke my nose a few times attempting it. I ended up faking it instead. It’s a wonder that we were undefeated my junior year in our division with me on the team.

I am sure I’ve shattered all the remaining illusions you had of how awesome and not geeky I am, and I’m sorry. I don’t have any dirty band camp stories. I’m just not that cool.