Oh, how funny this thing called life. It has a way of beating us up, shaping us into unrecognizable beings, making us better or worse, breaking us, building us back up only to tear us down again and mold us into something different.
I used to be a pessimistic introvert. Someone everyone obviously wanted to be around –a sorta shy girl who wanted to bury her nose in a book, criticize or complain about how the glass was half empty. Total winner.
To be honest, I always had a sassy hidden streak that was masked by my need to please people. I had this deep-seated fear of not being liked and wanting to be accepted –not uncommon and especially not for a little minority girl in a predominately white city. Then one day everything changed…
My little world as I knew it came crashing down. For years, I played the role of a good Asian daughter and really good (albeit judgmental and critical) Christian who went to church 4 days a week, sang in the church choir and lead a Bible study and all that. My perfect little controlled life was smashed and I sat there holding the pieces. (Stick with me here, the story does end happily and is not such a drag…)
The myth of the phoenix rising from the ashes was lived out in my life in 2006. Many of those who I thought were my friends deserted me and that was the least of my problems. Grasping for anything that I could control, I began focusing my energies on building something of my own that only I could control, that I alone held the power to create or destroy. My days were focused on one thing – and that was to survive.
Let’s fast forward because this is getting depressing…
And rebuild I did. I built a successful business, I made new, real friends, I forced myself to become an extrovert by putting myself in situations that required me to be in front of people. But best of all, I stopped living my life in fear of judgment of other people.
In September, I found myself charting a new course, one that I never thought I’d ever had to experience–the life of a single gal. And it has been both the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
I’ve discovered a passion for life that had been locked up pretty much all my life. For the first time in a long time, I am excited when I wake up in the morning. I am excited to try new things. I am excited to make mistakes. I am excited about the new, uncharted territory.
Has it been all sunshine and roses? Hell no. And I’m sure the road ahead is going to be filled with trials and errors, but I am so much better equipped to handle them and learn from them. My life is an awesome adventure and I am ever-evolving. I can’t wait to see what happens next.
So, you might have noticed that things are changing a bit around here. The pattern of my life is that every three years or so, I get bored with whatever I am doing and need to expand and evolve. Oh, I still LOVE being a wedding and fashion photographer, so don’t get me wrong and you can still hire me, but I am also expanding, exploring and creating new outlets for my creativity. But you might have noticed that I don’t blog anymore. I’d just lost the motivation to type three times a week and sit in front of my computer for hours on end editing. It got to be a laborious chore and I was missing out on so much of LIFE. So, it’s time for a change.
I’ve re-branded my life. And now I’m going to document it a la Sex in the City style. This blog is going to be a little less photo-centric and about to get more edgy, honest, passionate and raw. As my friend Ronnie likes to say, “Sh*ts about to get real…(I’ll probably leave the sex out though–come on, my MOM is reading this! But you never know…)
And yes, I am totally going to be posting about my dating adventures (as well as all of my other adventures, fears, victories, tough days, excitements, etc). And trust me, you’ll laugh and maybe cry and hopefully cheer me on. Or you might not want to read at all. And I’m okay with that.
And yes, there still will be photos. Lots of them. Probably mostly from my iPhone, but hey, it’s not about the equipment. I love my 5D Mark II but it doesn’t really fit in my sequined clutch…