“Okay, so promise me that on your date you will not, I repeat, WILL NOT say, ‘I’m not ready for a serious relationship.'” says my roommate as I sit there on the couch like an 8-year-old who is half-listening to a lecturing parent, half tuned out and ready to go outside and play instead of sitting through another words of wisdom lecture.
“Uh-huh.” I say petulantly, channeling my 8-year-old self.
“No, seriously, Hanssie. PROMISE me. You will be giving men the wrong idea if you say that and they will put you immediately in a category you don’t want to find yourself in…”
For the last 12 months, in this adventure I call life, I have
endured listened to many lectures from my roommate, @hashtagBrandon, and even though I act like I am not listening and am outwardly rolling my eyes, inwardly, I have processed much of the wisdom that has come from one of my closest friends, ten years my junior. In some ways I feel like I am emotionally in my twenties, having never experienced the perils of the dating world. It’s an awkward place to be in sometimes, I’ll tell you. Well, all the time. Being in your mid-thirties with the emotional life experience of a twenty-year-old is not only awkward, but it’s also confusing as hell.
So, back to this convo between @hashtagBrandon and I. A few months ago, I made an off-hand comment about not being ready for a long term relationship and before all the words made it out of my mouth, he jumps in and all over that statement. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, Hanssie. So, you’re saying that if the perfect man, the one that fits all the qualities of your list, your true love, walked into your life and wanted to be with you forever, you’d tell him that you weren’t ready for a serious relationship?”
Ugh. Me and my off-hand comments…
“Um, well, it’s been only 8 months since my separation…and…um…” I flounder like a carp out of water.
“Why are you letting society dictate your standards? Your marriage may have ended a few months ago, but you cannot put a timeline to these things. You need to clearly define what you want and be ready for it when it comes, but don’t make stupid general statements that you don’t really mean. Girls do that all the time without thinking because you are sharers and we men listen and process and interpret everything you say and probably not in the way you want us to hear them.” He continues on.
Since then, I have thought a lot about what he said. And I didn’t follow his advice. And I paid for it. I got exactly what I wanted. I knew I didn’t want to be a “hook up” girl and I didn’t want to be in a totally serious committed relationship. I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t define what I wanted, and we so we could never define what we were and sadly it never went anywhere.
I may not be ready to fill my Pinterest boards with wedding inspiration and have someone “put a ring on it” (unless it was a 4+ carat princess cut diamond, then I may reconsider), but I guess I am open to the possibility of a serious relationship, should one come along. I do know that I DO NOT want to be placed in the one night stand, “hook up girl” category–I have way too much self-respect for that, but beyond that, I am willing to see where life takes me with no self-imposed restrictions or timelines.
Have a happy Monday. XOXO, Hanssie