The End Where I Begin

Exactly one year ago today, I was at a swanky industry gala, drinking champagne, laughing with friends, enjoying a lovely dinner at the Reagan Library. I was wearing a pink dress from The Limited that I had bought years ago, and I remember tweeting about what a lucky gal I was to be able to dress up and attend galas and balls and call it all “work.”

Unbeknownst to me that a few hours later, would be the mark of the end of my ten and a half year marriage.

There are moments when I long to be that girl again. A little rough around the edges of from life, carrying some baggage and a chip on her shoulder, but still trusting, still a bit naive, secure and confident.

That girl died in an instant on Sept 21st, 2011 and another was reborn.

This new girl fears being alone.

She is constantly searching for something.

She is sometimes confused and a little lost.

She is more cynical and less trusting.

Yet,

This new girl is strong.

She is experiencing life.

She is making mistakes but is okay with that.

She is may be broken but is not shattered.

She has goals, hopes and she dreams.

She is alive.

Today marks the one year anniversary of my beginning. I’m proud of that girl for having the strength to walk away from almost everything and starting all over. Today, I may be insecure, unsure of myself and of what tomorrow holds, I may not truly know who I am, and I may be scarred, confused and scared, but I wouldn’t trade back for anything in the world.

6 thoughts on “The End Where I Begin

  1. You should be so proud of yourself for being to start again and still be such a person as to radiate happiness and warmth. Congratulations on the last year and I look forward to reading what the future has coming for you.

  2. Hanssie –

    On September 21st of last year, one of my best friends, Lacey, passed away waiting for a liver transplant.

    This year, on September 20th, just a few hours away from that anniversary, I had to confront the lies my husband has told me for months, and we agreed to a trial separation.

    I don’t know what’s going to happen – it wasn’t as abrupt as I think yours seems to be (although I was blindsided), and we have only been together 5 1/2 years, but just going through this right now is not only the biggest trial of my life, but gives me an infinitely new understanding and perspective on what people go through when they are facing separation and divorce. My emotions are different from one minute to the next, and we don’t have kids.

    You are an inspiration because I can see how much you’ve grown and how strong you’ve become. Keep getting stronger. Thanks for letting us watch along the way…

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