I tend to be a pessimistic person and although I have taken great pains to remedy that, it still sneaks out like a teenager after curfew from time to time.
And as many lemons that life has decided to hand me, I’m doing my best to add some salt and make a margarita or two. I love my life. I live in an awesome house by the beach with my favorite 2012 travel buddy and one of my best friends, I have a happy, healthy Kidlet, who is smart and resilient, I have a fun job, a steady job, and I get to take pictures when I want to. I have a supportive family, fantastic friends…and I could go on with this love fest, but I fear you readers have already started skimming…
I blame the pessimism on my eyes. Yes, you read that correctly. The shape of my eyes have always been a bit droopy, and so it looks like I am mad/sad when I am not. All my life I’ve had people ask me if I was in a bad mood when I was perfectly fine. Then at 26 years old, I took a vacation to China with my mom. We were at lunch with her friend who happens to be a plastic surgeon. In the middle of our Kung Pao Shrimp (Haha, just kidding. Kung Pao Shrimp is NOT real Chinese food), they both turned and looked at me and said, you need to get your eyes lifted…and a chin implant. Immediately self-conscious, I laughed and said, NO WAY. They ended up talking me into getting my eyes done. And I spent the next week with two black eyes. Actually, I was happy with the results (even the little scar that was left over my left eye because it was cut into twice). For the longest time, I kept it a secret. But since I’m in the habit of spilling all my secrets, here ya go. I’ll be the first to admit I am vain. Vanity and Pessimism — two of a long list of my faults.
Then even after my surgery, I got people asking if I was sad or mad. Turns out, that in addition to my droopy eyes, I also have a stoic, nonexpressive look which people interpret as anger or sadness (known as RBF – Resting Bitch Face). So then I decided that I needed to make a conscientious effort to smile more. Until I started to be concerned about wrinkles. My mom has been trying for years to get me to Botox, but I draw the line (pun intended) at having an immovable forehead, but hey, give me a few years. We’ll see what happens. I might try to get “Barbie-fied” minus the blonde hair, blue eyes bit.
These days, I find that I can’t help but smile. Life is good! Yes, there are days that I’m adrift, wandering aimless, wondering what the hell I am doing and where the hell I am going. I question everything I do and everything around me. But I try to smile through it all –wrinkles be damned.
“I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.” ~ Audrey Hepburn