Last weekend, my roommate and I were shopping, and we got to a door. I waited patiently while he caught up so that he could open the door for me.
He sarcastically (and jokingly) said,” Oh wait, lemme get that for you…”
I retorted, “Thank you. And of course, you should. You’re a man. Men should always open the door for a woman.”
So, he jokingly walked in and closed the door behind him. I stood there for a few seconds and then opened another door and walked in. “What a sense of entitlement,” he said, as I held my head high and walked by him.
“It may be a sense of entitlement,” I said, ” but it’s a standard that I’ve set for myself, and I will stand by it.”
(Disclaimer: Lest you start thinking that my roommate is a chauvinist pig, he usually opens the doors for me…)
This got me thinking about standards and how low I have set the bar in the past and how as I’ve grown, the bar has not only started getting higher and higher, but I’m firmer in holding the boundary I have set for myself. The more worth I see in myself, the more my standards raise. I look at the girls around me, and I shake my head at how much they will compromise themselves and are willing to take whatever they can get so that they are not alone. And I’m not just pointing fingers at everyone else, I look at my actions in the past, and the things that I tolerated and I am disgusted that I’ve allowed people (men especially) to treat me like a doormat. And still I allow it with various people in my life. (And yes, I am working on it). As I gain more self-worth, my standards bar keeps raising. Am I afraid that one day it may get too high for anyone to reach it? Yes, I do. But what’s the alternative? Settling?
Here are some of the standards that I’ve adopted as I’ve grown in my journey this last year and a half:
1. I will not be anyone’s option, second choice, or hook up girl
I deserve to be a priority in someone’s life and to be treated with respect. I’m not saying I need a lifelong commitment or anything from someone yet, but if I like a guy, I don’t want that person to be talking to 9 other girls and weighing his options. If I wanted to be an option, I’d just be on the Bachelor and cat fight with 24 other women for one man’s attention.
2. I will not date or have any sort of close friendship with a man who has a girlfriend or wife
Why are women so desperate that they must steal someone else’s man? And the kind of man that will cheat is not any man that is worth my time, I don’t care how bad his “problems” are at home. He should man up and go home and deal with his issues WITH HIS WIFE/GIRLFRIEND. Also, if a man will cheat on his wife/girlfriend, he will cheat on you. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater is absolute truth.
I also have to say, that to take it even a step farther, I stay away from forming any sort of bond (even in friendship) with a man that is not available. A man who is committed to another woman should be going to the woman he committed to for support and companionship, not to you. How would you feel if your boyfriend/husband constantly texted/called/hung out with a female friend? That relationship he has with her (however innocent he may say it is) is a bond that he should be forming with YOU.
Don’t be the other woman –even if you and he are “just friends.”
3. I will not allow anyone to speak to me with disrespect with their actions, words, or their tone of voice
I spent too many years being yelled at by someone who had a temper that I no longer will or should allow anyone to speak to me in a manner that is disrespectful. Recently, I had my mortgage officer yell at me over the phone and call me a liar. I hung up on him.
4. I will not settle for less that what I deserve because of fear
I have let fear control my life (and I still do) for so long that reminding myself that this is a value I have set is almost a daily occurrence! I have so many fears that sometimes I get really overwhelmed at them all. I’ve written a lot about my fears on this blog, so I’ll spare you the list.
5. I will not allow other people to decide how I am going to live my life
I’m still trying to get out of the people pleaser mentality, but I’m better than I used to be! I am not afraid of people’s judgement of how I choose to live, and I will not be shamed if they disagree with my actions. I’m going to make mistakes and lots of them, but they are my mistakes to make, and I’ll learn from them. “I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.” ~ truth from Grey’s Anatomy
What are some standards that you have for yourself?