Miss Independent

During dinner the other night, the topic of dating and marriage in modern times came up. My dinner companion and I were discussing how women were so independent these days that they didn’t seem to need men anymore or, at least, allow them to BE men.

That got me thinking, and as the conversation continued, I absolutely agreed.

I come from a family, where my parents are still together after 37+ years. My mom is an intelligent, sassy, opinionated, independent woman, yet she allows my dad to be a man. She lets him take care of her –he cooks for her, cleans for her, carries boxes for her and does not allow her to pay for any meal and she, in turn, takes care of him, making sure he gets enough rest, doesn’t work too hard, stops completely at stop signs (she’s the worst backseat driver!)

Women these days want to open their own doors, make their own money, pay their own dinner bill, and carry their own boxes. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I’m just wondering why? I rather like having the door opened for me. I would prefer to be a stay at home mom and why would I want to carry boxes if there is a strong man to do it for me? This is why I’ve always been a little perturbed at the woman’s lib movement. I mean obviously, it’s cool that we get to vote and all that, but the whole going out and working my ass off at a job, then coming home to make dinner and take care of the kids, isn’t my ideal situation and honestly, it’s exhausting. I know I’m not domesticated or anything, but if my sole job were to keep an awesome home for my family, I’d learn how to do stuff like laundry and make stuff from Pinterest.

If you know me at all, you know that I definitely take after my mom. My parents raised me to be independent. They’ve always said that I cannot rely on anyone else to take care of me. “What if your husband was unable to work…or something.” (What they really meant, I found out later was, “You’re getting old, and you still don’t have a boyfriend, so you might want to get a job cause we’re not gonna support you forever…”)

And in hindsight, I know that I didn’t really allow my ex-husband to be a man. I went ahead and tried to drag him along with whatever I was doing and never looked back to see if he was happy following. And then I was unhappy when he didn’t lead.

Now, as I grow and learn in this journey, I realize that I’m not looking for someone to make me less independent or let me lead. I am looking for someone to be my partner, someone to share my dreams with, and to be a part of building those dreams. I want us to go on adventures together, and I don’t want him to be afraid of my independence. Carrie Bradshaw (Sex in the City) once said, “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.”

But I still want him to open all my doors and carry all the boxes, too. 😉

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