Lost

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” Henry David Thoreau

Photo by: Matthew Saville

Being directionally challenged, I’ve been lost quite a bit in my life. Even with two GPS systems, my iPhone map, a MapQuest app and OnStar, I still constantly find myself getting on the wrong freeways, turning one street too early, being turned around and having no idea where I am.

Mentally, I have been lost a few times in my life as well.

In college, I went through 4 majors before ending up graduating with the major I had most credits in. And did so in 3 years. And then I sat for a year, having no idea what I wanted to do next.

Five years ago, I was lost and ended up wandering for a better part of 2 years before starting this photography business.

Presently, I’ve been lost. I’ve been spinning my wheels, trying to figure out which direction my life should go and how to get there. Life has thrown some massive curve balls my way in the last year and I’ve wandered aimlessly through, focused more on survival than on anything else.

The quote above by Thoreau rings true for me, especially in this season of my life. If you have been lost, you probably have an intimate knowledge of being forced to understand who you are and where to go next. In this road map deficient path we call life, it’s okay to wander aimlessly at times, but I’ve wandered aimlessly long enough. I’m ready to re-lace my running shoes, get my GPS out and get somewhere. In this period of “lost-ness,” I’ve learned so much about who I am and what I want. I’ve decided to face my fears, stop building walls and go somewhere.

Many people like to make resolutions when a new year begins. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you’ll know that I don’t make resolutions. I think everyday is a new day to better yourself and I don’t want to be tied to one day a year where I make a list of things I HAVE to do for the next 365 days. Way to set yourself up for failure – force someone to make a list of life changes they aren’t really ready to make.

Being lost has shown me that I am bigger than my fears and I’m going to face them. I may be trembling on this road but I’m going to stand strong.

Some changes you’ll see: I’m going to focus a little less on my identity as a photographer and dedicate a little more time to other creative passions. I’m still booking weddings, taking fashion assignments, and portraits session, but these will be exclusive to only a  limited number each month. I will be seeking to take on more creative projects and assignments that stretch me as a person and as an artist. I am going to be more open to various, random ideas, thoughts, and opportunities out there.

I’m not found yet. I am still a little lost, but each day I am finding a little more of myself and understanding more of me. It’s a good journey. I’m going to try to blog more of my adventures on the road to “going somewhere” as I now have a clearer picture of where I am going. The ride might be a little bumpy, but I’m going to OWN 2012. You’re welcome to join. Stay tuned.

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