I never thought I was a terrible person. I started going to church at eight years old. I’ve always tried to live by the Golden Rule, be as kind as possible, give where I can. Yes, I can sometimes have an attitude and be snarky, but I see that as part of my charm.

I’ve made decisions in the past that I am not proud of, but each mistake led me to who I am today. I needed to make those decisions and live my life so that I could grow and become the person whose thoughts you read here.

And now my decisions are being held against me by a close friend. And my spirit is crushed because I cannot undo the things I’ve done in the past.

But I feel like a terrible person sometimes. For the first time since becoming single, I regret my journey. I regret that my road was broken and bumpy and ugly. Instead of being proud of how far I have come, I feel like I should’ve taken a different path. That if I were a better person, I would’ve been wiser and made different choices.

But I didn’t. My road is not straight with flowers and sunshine and rainbows. My journey has been twisty and windy and roller coaster-y. It’s been riddled with thorns and falls and holes. It’s been weedy and bendy and barren. I’ve taken wrong turns and backtracked and gotten lost. Still not totally sure where I am going, but here I am.

I am not perfect, and that’s okay. It’s my journey. It’s my story, and all the bumps have taught me valuable lessons and have made me who I am today.