I Ain’t No Side Dish (Guest Blogger)

When I changed this blog to be more Me-centric and began blogging about my adventures, I never imagined the responses I’ve received. Almost daily I get emails, comments, and hugs from people who have joined me on this crazy journey. More often than not, people share with me about their own journeys of love, loss and self-discovery. I am truly humbled that people actually read my rants, cynicism, good days, funny experiences, etc. For those that are cheering me on, thank you so much. Words cannot express the honor it is to have you take a moment or two to read my ramblings. And even more so the ones that send me encouragement via email, comments, likes, shares, tweets, skywriting…

Someone who has been a great encouragement along the way, is today’s Guest Blogger, Angela Caraccioli. I met her in Vegas at WPPI this February and we connected right away as our situations we’re similar. She owns Angela C. Photography and she, too was recently separated and divorced with a daughter about the Kidlet’s age. She has a few observations that she wanted to share today about being the “side dish.”

“I ain’t no side dish. I’m the main course” – I don’t wanna be – LMFAO

 I, like Hanssie, have recently gone through the emotional roller coaster of a divorce.  And this means I am also newly integrated into the single dating world.  Meeting my ex when I was 18 and getting married at 20 makes me realize this new single world is vastly different from what I remember.  In the old single world, I was just barely out of the times of asking for permission from my parents to go out on a date and hoping I wasn’t going to get yelled at for sneaking in past curfew.  I had hardly tasted any freedom before I was swooped up by “the one” and started my journey as an oppressed wife of an incredibly controlling man.

In the few months of my new freedom, I have noticed a trend.  Those in committed relationships create “side” relationships with singles of the opposite sex.  These are not just normal platonic relationships; these are line crossing, inappropriate relationships for the taken party.

This led me to ask the question, why do we as single people allow ourselves to be a “side dish”?

Maybe it’s perhaps we like the attention no matter where it comes from.  Nobody would deny that the single life gets lonely.  Like throw on a romantic comedy, pretend to be that lucky girl pressed up against the “perfect,” hot guy all while quietly sobbing into a tub of ice cream, lonely.  Any attention is a welcomed break from that unhappy reality.

Or maybe we honestly think the other person will leave their significant other for us.  While sitting, watching The Hunger Games in the theater on opening night I heard a quote that really stuck with me, “Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.” And it’s true.  When you have hope, anything seems possible.  For me, in my marriage, I held on to that hope for a long time; too long actually.  And finally, one day after the same thing happened for the 100th time (ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit) and another countless fight, I lost hope.  And in this situation, you should too.  Because more than likely if they didn’t leave their significant other within the first month or two of starting this inappropriate relationship with you, they never will.

So I guess my point of all of this is to have some self-respect for yourself as a single person.  Realize that you are an incredible person that is worth more than just being a “side dish.”

Single guys and gals should always be the “main course.” Don’t settle for less.

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