A post from a Facebook friend caught my eye the other day. She was asking for advice about a guy she had a crush on. He admitted to having feelings for her too, but he had a girlfriend. The post mentioned that he and his girlfriend didn’t really get along, he was coming into town and my FB friend had plans to meet up with him. She reiterated that she had kept their talks on a “friendship only” level once she found out that he wasn’t single. She wanted advice on whether she should tell him how she felt during their meeting.
Many people chimed in, with the general tone being she should be honest with him, after all, you only live once, etc. I don’t know this Facebook friend personally, but I couldn’t not give my two cents.
My advice: RUN THE OTHER WAY.
(If you’re new to this blog, the reader’s digest version is that my ex cheated on me numerous times and so I have strong opinions about propriety in relationships).
Ladies (and gentleman), if you find yourself in a situation where you’re crushing on someone who is NOT available, move along.
But he and his girlfriend hate each other, you say.
So what? If they hate each other, THEY need to terminate the relationship without your interference. Neither are free to move on, talk to someone, crush on, have feelings for, etc. until they resolve their current situation. Get your butt out of that Dr. Phil episode. He has a girlfriend. No matter the circumstance, his relationship status is TAKEN.
But we just connect on a ‘special’ level as FRIENDS.
Uh huh. If your boyfriend was “connecting” with some girl on a “special level,” how would you feel about that? Any connection where a guy is sharing an emotional connection with a girl, not his girlfriend or family member, is treading in murky waters. Because more often than not, that connection grows into something much more.
But I feel like I should be honest. I won’t do anything about it. Just tell him how I feel.
Let me ask you, what is the point in that? Are you telling him hoping he will break up with his girlfriend for you? Sometimes honesty isn’t the best policy. In fact, in this case, no communication is the best policy. Look beyond your feelings. Think about her feelings. Stop talking to him.
But what if this is our chance?
Again, he’s TAKEN. If it was meant to be, do you really want your fairy tale love story to be one where you stole a guy from someone before they ended it on their terms? I don’t believe that the end justifies the means in most situations. If the two of you are meant to be together, then it will happen without you messing with it.
[RELATED POST: A Letter To The ‘Other Woman’]
Readers, feel free to disagree with me but think about it this way: no matter the situation or circumstance, why would you ever want to be placed in the position where you could potentially be ‘other woman?’ You’re better than that.
What if the guy in an open relationship?
I agree your views on honest, not to be the cause (interference) to be beginning of your relationship or be on the next episode of Dr. Phil.
What if she was meant to bring the awarenes of that “Taken” guy to have courage to end that relationship?
If the guy was in an open relationship, why would she be asking the question? he would’ve told her that he was in an open relationship.
In my opinion, if she were meant to bring awareness, he needs to step up and break up his relationship first, instead of telling her he has feelings for her and vice versa. Plus, if he doesn’t have the courage to end a current relationship, why would a girl even want him? He needs to man the hell up instead of jumping into another relationship.
I absolutley agree that you should RUN THE OTHER WAY! I just got out of a relationship with a guy who was ‘talking” to multiple women. The women knew he has a gf according to all the messages I found and honestly did not care that I existed. Obviously he made himself seem available to “hang out”. and get this… we didnt even have problems in our relationship. Some people “men or women” dont need to be unhappy to cheat, or talk to other women or men. Sometimes its takes that one women or man to say NO YOU ARE TAKEN AND YOURE A PIG FOR EVEN FLIRTING OR HAVING FEELINGS FOR ME. GROW UP! I, because of the things I have been through in my life, have met a lot of men who say ” they are unhappy” and try to “hang out” but yet they still have a GF… and every single time, I tell them to kick rocks and go back their GF or leave her and learn to be single for a little because there is nothing wrong with being single. For those of you who think its “ok, were just friends” no .. until it happens to you and your on the other side, and your the GIRL who’s bf is talking to someone else “as a friend” and ” has attraction too” you will never understand. have some integrity and respect for the other person in the relationship and stop being so selfish with your own needs and learn to be honest not only with others, but with yourself. You wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot. besides, what makes you think there is a chance with you anyways, your a rebound, and there is 100% chance, when he or she is not “getting alone with you” they will find the next person willing to cross the line with them… Use your brain…
Yep! More people need to be told straight up that it’s not okay to be emotionally involved or “talking to” someone not your significant other. I’m glad you’re out of that relationship because you deserve better than a guy that respects you so little.
Thanks for sharing your story and having the self-respect to say no! Xoxo
I’m a bloke. The only time my mates pull that old chestnut – oh, we hate each other – is because they was to cough cough, get a leg over. As you rightfully pointed out, who hates someone and remain in the hateful situation unless they are nutcases!
Some girls are gullible., we connect? Pardon 🙂
Thanks for the male perspective and your honesty…plus, the terms “bloke” and “old chestnut” made me smile 🙂