Drifting Away

Once upon a time, I was a control freak. My life was planned out; I had lists and post-its and index cards taped in random places. My calendar was divided into three columns–one for each member of the family –what we were doing each day, sorted by hour and what we were eating for each meal. My fridge was color coded on each shelf, and my clothes were organized by length, type of fabric, and color. My DVD’s and books were alphabetized, and my life was in a nice, neat little box. My goals had goals, and they were listed on a list somewhere and, of course, and my favorite household appliance was my label machine.

And then life happened, and everything fell apart. And I drifted. I drifted for two years. Like a doomed vessel with no sail, I let the wind toss me about. I didn’t want my post-its and my lists and my calendars and what was left of my well laid plans anymore, and so I just drifted. I woke up, survived and went to bed every day.

Then one day, I decided to start my photography business but drifted still, not quite a Type A and not quite a Type B and certainly no longer in control of anything and really not caring one whit about that. I made general goals for my business because that’s what we’re “supposed to do” as a small business owner, but I really didn’t write them down…just in case.

For the last 6+ years, I’ve done a little less drifting, but drifted nonetheless. I let the wind take me where it wanted to take me, and I floated. After the divorce, I finally (with the help and encouragement of two friends and a great book called, “Think and Grow Rich,”) wrote down what I saw my life would look like in ten years and some overall general goals for my life. But mostly I still drifted.

Only very recently (like last week, seriously), I got a little whiteboard and started writing down a few simple goals – books I plan on reading, places I want to go, things I want to learn/teach and adventures I want to have. It’s nothing big, but for me, I’m slowly feeling comfortable enough to start setting my sail on little sights. I realized that drifting for a while is nice (ok, so six years is a bit long…), but it never really gets you anywhere.

So, I’ve dug deep and nudged the dormant Type A-er that’s inside me and telling her that it’s safe to come out. It’s time to start setting some goals again and focus on a few things even though I am happy with my Type B-ness. I am excited to see how they work together and where they will take me. The lists and post-its are slowly returning, but my DVD’s are still in no particular order.

Okay, so I am still a bit OCD with the fridge…the control freak didn’t die completely.


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