So here I am rounding the start of the 3rd week of freelance-hood and am no farther than when I started on day 1. I am happier, and I feel more free and I still have no idea what I’m going to do with my life…much less how I am going to pay the bills without killing my savings. I only work a few hours a day, I am able to get my obligations as mother done – i.e. homeschool, clean the house, make dinner and take the car in for a brand new tire to replace the new tire with the nail in it.

And still…I have no clue what is next in my life.

My friends have tried to be helpful. I was speaking with my hairdresser/therapist the other day, and he asked the age old question, “If money was no object, what would you do with your life…”

I replied, half-jokingly, but not really at the moment, “Sit on a beach and drink Pina Coladas…”

We laughed, and that was that. (I could probably do that for a week and be over it, if you were wondering).

He then sent me this inspirational video…

…and no offense to inspirational videos, but they usually are ambiguous and make you feel warm and fuzzy for a while, but unless some action is applied, they are just a feel good for 3 minutes and 08 seconds. This is why I am stuck on chapter three of almost every self-help book I own (and I own a lot of them). Chapter 3 usually deals with “finding what you love,” “your life purpose,” or “doing what makes you happy.”

The problem is I DON’T KNOW. I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don’t even know what I want to do next week…

All of these things want me to list the things I love doing and would do for free. The answer to that has always been the same themes: helping people, creating, having freedom and meeting people. So how does that all morph into one career? Who knows, but I have about six months to figure it out.

Some days I wish I was like some of the other kids who knew they wanted to be a ballerina or football player when they grew up. Not on the two-year attention span system I’ve been on my entire life.

A little part of me is afraid. Fear that I’ll choose one thing and then to find that two years later, I am bored of it.

So, my next step. Do my daily work, and motherly responsibilities….and continue to think…

I suppose fixing this blog so that I can upload pictures should be on that list, as well…